accentuate the positive
Filed Under Tips & Tricks | June 1, 2009
In her column this month Jenny Schafer of Evolved Parenting reminds us that spring cleaning can apply to more than your closets:
With the summer months arriving, we pack away our winter clothes and break out the tanks and capris. Like old clothes, some relationships can be packed away, but what about relationships that are here to stay? Maybe your in laws aren’t quite on-board with your approach to parenting? Or maybe your BFF chooses less than positive language and parenting techniques? Heck, being on the same page as your partner when it comes to your kids can be an ongoing juggling act.
If you find your family’s attitude about your attitude towards raising your kids less than supportive then we’ve got a few ideas for accentuating the positive when you may be dealing with the negative:
Say your dad pipes up with “bad boy” in response to something your tot has done, whereas you choose to focus on the behaviour rather than the child. If you don’t want to get into a long conversation about your child-rearing philosophies, you could try something more gentle like “Some of our ideas are better than others, we’re always working on it.”
Or perhaps you’re feeling personally attacked by someone in front of your children. Take it as a chance to practice your boundary and assertiveness skills with a response like “I understand you have an issue with this, but I think we need to save this conversation for a different time.” Later you can address the issue in private and set up boundaries about what you’ll talk about in front of the kids because when you fight in front of your children everyone loses.
And hard as it may be to accept, is there the odd grain of truth in your MIL’s passive aggressive comments? If you’re self aware you know it’s important to remain open to criticism so who knows, there may be some great learning and self-awareness that could come from her, erm, ‘feedback’.
Remember, we just said may be…
Jenny Schafer, creator of Evolved Parenting, is a mother, social worker, trained daycare provider and former nanny. For our previous columns from Jenny click here, or email Jenny your parenting questions at jenny@evolvedparenting.ca.
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