and the verdict is

Filed Under Stuff, Tips & Tricks | December 9, 2008

dec9_not_guilty

Mums spend a lot of time feeling guilty. Guilty because they may have fed their babes with bottles that aren’t BPA-free. Or guilty because they used the wrong sort of diapers. Guilty because they didn’t wait overnight in line for the perfect preschool. Guilty because they don’t always buy organic veggies. And that’s just scratching the surface.

Then comes the holidays and there’s a whole new wack of things to feel guilty about. You are doing too much. Or not enough.  You are spending too much. Or not enough.  You are not spending enough time with his family. Or your family. Or you are spending too much time with family altogether.

Which is why we felt this might be a good time to dip into Debbie Travis’s Not Guilty: My Guide to Working Hard, Raising Kids and Laughing through the Chaos. Design-guru Travis is the first to admit she has “absolutely no right to do this book” what with her being neither a child psychologist, pediatrician or marriage counselor. But she is a working mum who’s made it through the toddler, tween and teen years to raise two sons.

The best part about Not Guilty is Travis’s complete honesty. We were a titch dismayed at some of the revelations about her parenting until we took a step back and realized that others may be just a little bit taken aback by some of the things that happen chez nous. And we appreciated that she was honest enough to be…well, honest about her parenting. Raised in England by a no nonsense mother, Travis’s main message falls in line with the building backlash against helicopter parenting and reminds us that children are remarkably resilient and will survive, even if their preschool is less than perfect.

Not Guilty is an easy, fast and entertaining read, but  if you just can’t bear to add one more book to the pile of night table reading teetering next to your side of the bed, whatever you do, don’t feel guilty! Here are Travis’s ten commandments for feeling no guilt that should be just enough to tide you over during the holiday season.

My Ten Commandments for Feeling No Guilt

  1. Treat your kids like a paint job. It’s all in the preparation. Take the time to sand and prime well and the results will be as good as perfect. Don’t worry too much about the cracks or blotches — they just add character.
  2. Make life as easy as possible. Do not be afraid to cut corners.
  3. Learn to use the word no at every opportunity. Your children will soon get bored and move on to the next demand.
  4. Burn your child-rearing books. Or stack them up and stand on them so you can reach your towering teen to be able to shout at him eye to eye. Or build a wall with them to separate bickering siblings. Or use them to swipe a naughty kid on the bum as they run for cover.
  5. Be prepared for war. You need a brilliant strategy and state-of-the-art weapons to raise a family. Conquer your children early on but be forewarned, they are masters of the element of surprise.
  6. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. When the going gets tough, call for real-life backup. Share your failures with other leaders as they may have more advanced weaponry up their sleeve.
  7. A good tantrum clears the air. I’m talking about you here: learn from your kids that crying can get you what you want.
  8. Follow your kids’ lead in laughter, games and plain silliness. They know best about some things.
  9. Love the chaos. Praise your messy house daily, even pray to it, because before you blink, your children will be gone and it will be way too tidy.
  10. Look after yourself. The wheels on the bus go round and round . . . and round and round. Learn to take a break. Never be ashamed to tell the family you’re leaving, and you’re going alone, even if it’s only for twenty-four hours. They will survive.

Excerpted from Not Guilty by Debbie Travis Copyright © 2008 by Debbie Travis. Excerpted by permission of Random House Canada, a division of Random House of Canada Limited. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

Not Guilty: www.randomhouse.ca

 

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