if at first you don’t succeed
Filed Under Tips & Tricks | December 16, 2008
In her fourth in a series of the five building blocks of self esteem for kids, Sharon Selby, a local child counsellor and the creator of the Phonics Wizard, tackles self-growth. There may even be a few helpful tips for adults here too:
In order to grow, we need to be able to make mistakes, take risks and set goals. For developing children it’s very important that they’re able to cope with making mistakes and learn what they would do differently next time. The process of making mistakes and learning from them is a life-long beneficial skill. If children have the confidence to take risks, they will not always succeed but they will be giving themselves the opportunity to grow. Each new success increases self-esteem. Each positive, self-esteem boosting experience gives children the desire to try, try again.
Children with low self-esteem may interpret their mistakes personally and believe that this experience has been a reflection of them. They may create a self-fulfilling prophecy that they are always wrong or can’t do anything.
Goal setting is another positive indicator for self-growth. Many individuals with high self-esteem set goals for themselves. Children can be taught to be goal-oriented.
So how do you go about helping your kids learn to make mistakes, take risks and set goals? Here are some strategies:
- Admit your own mistakes: Tell your child when you’ve made a mistake and explain how you plan to do it differently next time.
- Share mistakes of famous individuals: Abraham Lincoln was defeated for public office eight times before becoming President of the United States. The year Babe Ruth made the most home runs was also the year he had the most strike outs.
- Teach your child positive self-talk: If your child is worried about making a mistake help them to make positive statements about themselves.
- Plan a strategy for next time: Help your child to admit to a mistake while not taking it as a devaluation of themselves, and then help them to plan what they will do differently next time.
- Goal-setting: Explain what goal-setting means in terms of what we “shoot for” and then use the metaphor of sports to break it down.
- Talk about personal goals: Discuss your own goals and explain that in the beginning goals are often what we think of as “wishes”, as in “I wish I was better at…” Start off with easy, short-term goals for immediate success and positive reinforcement. And be sure to celebrate achieved goals as a family.
- Write down or draw goals: Putting your goals on paper increases the chance that they will be achieved.
The previous building blocks of self esteem are:
Sharon Selby, B.Ed., M.A., is a local child counsellor. She is the author of The Phonics Wizard Reading Series: a fun learn-to-read program for parents to teach their own children early literacy skills for ages 2-7.
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