stand strong
Filed Under Tips & Tricks | December 3, 2008
The holidays, while billed as fun for all, can also bring to the fore a lot of family issues and stress. Which is why in this month’s column, Jenny Schafer of Evolved Parenting has some ideas for setting boundaries over the holidays in order to make them more joyful.
Setting boundaries with the people in our lives is always important, however, over the holidays mums need to make the pledge: “I will learn how to say no and I will not take on too much.” Yeah, you won’t catch this captivating motto in Christmas cards or holiday jingles.
Overextending ourselves is an epidemic for women and can leave us feeling exhausted, used and deflated. Sometimes, we can even drown in bitterness for months afterward, but who’s really to blame? Those who ask us to do something, or ourselves for saying yes when we know we should just say no?
Here are a few key questions to ask yourself about the boundaries you do – or don’t – set in your life:
Can you say no to friends and family? Do you extend yourself beyond your limits at times? Do you tend to do for others, and not for yourself? Would you say that people have taken advantage of your kindness in the past? Do you live a balanced life? Are you afraid of confrontation or do you worry that people won’t like you?
Judging from your responses, would you say you have strong boundaries? Are you living your life for yourself or for others? Are you proud of the way you currently conduct yourself within the world and in your relationships? Are you proud of the woman you are becoming? Would you be proud of your child if they reflected your boundaries?
If you have strong boundaries, you are an assertive – not aggressive – person who takes care of your needs first and foremost. Having strong boundaries shows the world that you are proud of who you are, what you think and what you do. And when you take care of your needs, you have the energy and passion to be the best partner, parent, friend and person you can be.
So when your sister in law asks you to host Christmas dinner again, be sure to have a good response at the ready, clarifying your role and hers in making the family get together a successful and joyful occasion.
Jenny Schafer, creator of Evolved Parenting, is a mother, social worker, trained daycare provider and former nanny. For our previous columns from Jenny click here, or email Jenny your parenting questions at jenny@evolvedparenting.ca.
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