building blocks: do I belong?
Filed Under Tips & Tricks | November 25, 2008
This month Sharon Selby, a local child counsellor and the creator of the Phonics Wizard, continues her series exploring the five elements that comprise the building blocks of self esteem. She started with security, moved on to selfhood and this month it’s all about belonging.
A sense of belonging is essential for self-esteem. We judge ourselves by the recognition we receive from the people close to us, especially the ones who are important to us. When you feel approval and respect from these people, you have a sense of belonging and naturally the family is the most important place to experience these feelings.
A child’s self-esteem is also enhanced when there is a connection to their heritage. Learning about your family ancestry, as a family, not only provides a connection to the past and a respect toward others from different cultures but it also deepens family bonds.
Social interactions with friends also have a significant impact on self-esteem, friends influence how children feel about themselves. Acceptance nourishes the need for belonging, but rejection erodes self-esteem, which is why social skills are so important in a child’s development.
So how can you enhance you child’s sense of belonging in the world? Here are some ideas:
- Create a family cookbook by asking all your family members to give you their favourite recipe. Help your child make a book by decorating a cover, compiling the recipes and putting it all together. Make a copy for everyone in your family.
- Discuss your country of origin. On a large map, locate all the countries associated with your family’s heritage. Mark them with pins or a toothpick flags.
- Create a family tree by using a ready-made chart or book, adding photos whenever possible.
- Create a friendly deeds list. As a family, brainstorm what you could do for someone to make them happy. For one month ask everyone what they did for someone that day. Or choose a friendly deed you can do as a family and make a plan and execute it together.
- Reinforce friendly behaviour by giving your child specific praise by telling them exactly what they did that you thought was friendly.
- Read books on friendship and discuss the characters and their actions.
- Teach “I” statements. If your child is feeling frustrated, angry, sad etc. teach them to say “When you _______, I feel ________, because ________”.
Sharon Selby, B.Ed., M.A., is a local child counsellor. She is the author of The Phonics Wizard Reading Series: a fun learn-to-read program for parents to teach their own children early literacy skills for ages 2-7.
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Photos also do a great deal to boost kids sense of belonging, if they are available for the kids to look through. A photo album of any kind on the lap of your child tells them their own stories, and the stories of their family. Special books to celebrate them for all they do are excellent self esteem builders, too. Try an ABC book where each page is a letter of the alphabet, and choose a trait of your child for each letter, accompanied by a picture. Your child will love looking through it. Ours was so well loved it got dog-eared.
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