For the last few months Jenny Schafer of Evolved Parenting has been focusing on positive discipline but this month she talks about why it’s important that you discipline yourself to stick to your rules, boundaries and consequences.

While Evolved Parenting advocates ongoing positive disciplining techniques to help guide your children toward empowered choices, there are times in every household when things don’t go smoothly. So how do you break negative cycles to work toward a more positive environment?

We’re firm believers of setting and sticking to your rules and consequences. It can be a lot of work – and sometimes the consequences can impact you negatively as well – but the benefits are rewarding for everyone. We received an email from a frustrated parent whose four-year-old daughter refuses to follow rules, screams when given direction, hits and bites when frustrated and says things like “you’re a bad mummy, I hate you!” Not surprisingly this mum isn’t feeling very positive.

When you’re faced with issues like these, we suggest stepping back and recognizing that your child is in a power struggle with you. Now is the time to create, set and stick to firm rules, boundaries and consequences.

This can be hard on you as well as your child, but the rewards are great. Start by ensuring that your child knows the rules – for at home and in public – as well as the consequences of breaking those rules. If one of your rules is “we don’t hit” and you’re at a birthday party and she hits, you leave immediately. You may have only been there for five minutes, you may have driven for an hour to get there, but leave and then follow up with a consequence once you’re home. If you’re grocery shopping and you have a cart full of food and empty cupboards at home and she breaks a rule, you’re out of there. When you get home you implement a previously agreed upon consequence. Or if you’re at home and she has a screaming or hitting fit, you follow through with a major consequence like no TV for a month.

These consequences are hardly convenient for you, but your child will learn that you’re the boss, you have boundaries and your family’s rules are not meant to be broken. And once you’ve got your rules and boundaries in place, it will help your child learn how to act and behave with both you and others. And that’s worth working towards.

Note: We wouldn’t recommend starting to put these rules into place when your child is going through other transitions, such as starting a new school or daycare or welcoming a new sibling.

Jenny Schafer, creator of Evolved Parenting, is a mother, social worker, trained daycare provider and former nanny. She welcomes your questions about parenting. For more information visit www.evolvedparenting.ca or email Jenny your parenting questions at jenny@evolvedparenting.ca.