Accentuate the positive
Filed Under Tips & Tricks | June 2, 2008
We like to start off each month with tips and ideas from parenting expert, Jenny Schafer of Evolved Parenting. This month she digs a little deeper into the theories and realities of positive discipline:
Here at Evolved Parenting, we often get letters from parents asking exactly how to implement positive disciplining techniques when their children seem to repeat the same negative behaviours. While parents say they like the positive messages in Evolved Parenting they aren’t sure how to make them an everyday reality. So we’ve put together some quick tips on implementing positive disciplining techniques that will encourage self-discipline and self-esteem in your child(ren).
Start with yourself:
If you’ve been a long-time subscriber you know we believe that the greatest gift you can give your child is your best self. Click here for some great self care tips from Evolved Parenting.
Provide consistency and rules:
It’s important to provide consistent direction and rules in easy-to-understand, age-appropriate terms. Research shows that children thrive on routine and schedules. Does your child know the rules of the house? Your kids need you to provide guidance and discipline.
Provide positive reinforcements:
Positive reinforcements are ongoing disciplining tools that develop boundaries with your children. Throughout the day make a point of catching your kids doing something right and take notice. Point out things like ‘Fantastic job playing so nicely with your brother,’ and ‘Great job cleaning up.’ Positive reinforcements not only help children learn to become self-disciplined and make good choices but the encouraging interaction with you throughout the day replaces negative attention and, hopefully, negative behavior.
Focus on behavior, not the child:
Remain focused on the behavior, not the child. For instance, saying ‘bad boy’ might not sound that awful, but it is actually suggesting that your child is bad, not his behavior that is bad. Rather than say something like, ‘Why are you being such a bad boy?’ try replacing it with something like ‘Why are you behaving so badly?’
Clarity & consistency are key:
Try replacing the words ‘no’ or ‘don’t’ with phrases starting with ‘how about we…’ or ‘let’s try…’ Sending a clear message of what to expect next is also important: ‘I need you to….†or ‘In 10 minutes we’re leaving’. Children deserve due warning. Discuss consequences with your child and be sure to follow though. If you don’t, you child will continue to behave poorly since she knows that house rules are meant to be broken.
Jenny Schafer, creator of Evolved Parenting, is a mother, social worker, trained daycare provider and former nanny. For more information visit www.evolvedparenting.ca or email Jenny your parenting questions at jenny@evolvedparenting.ca.
One Response to “Accentuate the positive”
Leave a Comment
Let us know what you think or share your great finds with us so we can share them with other Vancouver mothers!
[...] and ideas from parenting expert, Jenny Schafer of Evolved Parenting. Last month she talked about positive discipline and got lots of emails and feedback from you wanting more info on focusing on the behavior and not [...]